I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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