my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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