Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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