Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
