I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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