I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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