I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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