She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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