i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
