When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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