Pappa wants mamma naked
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
