u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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