Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
