I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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