I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
