And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
