we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
