I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
