You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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