I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
