you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
