I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
