also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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