my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Pants are for mortals
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
