I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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