her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
