I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
