I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
