We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We had sex on a dog bed..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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