I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He did a backflip because drugs
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
