i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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