I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
