shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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