I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
