wrigley field is MILF paradise
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
