i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
