i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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