So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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