He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
