Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
cat food counts as protein by the way
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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