I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
