he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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