He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
