we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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