So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
