they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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