Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
