What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
