I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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