dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
