when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
