I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
