can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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