what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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