Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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