i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
At least make sure they are 18
Why
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
