The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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