This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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